New post from Hayley

"to be happy now.

fair warning. i am allllll over the place tonight! so hopefully, you guys can follow along down these rabbit trails...

we're officially a little over half-way through the tracking of this album. it feels real-er than ever. i'm starting to understand all these songs more and where they've actually come from... for a minute, it was such a whirlwind of inspiration, emotion, and sweat. now that we've spent some time getting to know the album and growing with it, i can finally tell myself it's real. i can just almost tell myself that it's alright to relax.

have you ever been that way? haven't you ever said "things are so great right now that i know something's bound to go wrong... any minute." just so you know, i might be the QUEEN of that phrase. maybe it's part of being a total realist? maybe it's just the fact that i've been through some rough situations and i know how awful it feels not to be prepared for the worst? it's been a while since i didn't have my fists in a ball... since i wasn't sort of on the defense, waiting for the attack. if there was an actual good reason for why i lived that way for so long i'd give it to you but now that i'm (hopefully!) passed that, it's a little unclear as to why that would ever be worth it. because now i wake up every morning and i know for certain that there are at least a few good people around me, if not physically then just by an iPhone somewhere, who could look me in the eye and tell me that they love me. i've got just enough blood in my veins and air in my lungs to know that i am definitely not dead. and that could be enough to say outloud, to myself... "You're OK!"

another thing to consider is what if there is a part of us that doesn't fully want to be satisfied? what if there's something that asks us: if everything is "OK" then what do we have to strive for? to LIVE for, even? that's the constant duel in my spirit! i want life to go smoothly but when it's all working out... i'm sort of bored. ugh. it reminds me of a lyric by mewithoutYou that i've always connected with so deeply. "All I want is to want one thing." how beautifully that depicts our nature as humans to want everything, sometimes multiple things at once that couldn't be more opposite... and in the end get upset with the whole thing and want to get rid of desire altogether. (i digress!)

what i've had to learn during this last year and a half, is that i might actually just be happy with where life is heading at this point. doesn't mean i'll always feel this way. nothing's perfect... at least for very long! anyway, it might just be OK to be happy now. right now in this very moment. i should just go with it, right? by the way, if i don't sound completely insane to you after 3 paragraphs which all are complete contradictions to each other then i appreciate your patience and flexible perspective.

all this to say, i feel happy and i feel like my soul is actually being fulfilled. not only by the making of this album but also by the few close relationships i have in my life that have either stood the test of time or have bloomed from virtually nothing since entering whatever phase of my life i'm in at the moment. i'm not waiting for the sky to fall because i know that while the sky is staying up there in it's place, i have my opportunity to live. no more wasting time, hope, emotions, on worrying when, if, or how i could ever be let down again. i'm going to tell myself it's okay to be happy now.

i guess i want to finish this off by asking you what fulfills you. what is it that reaches your soul? it doesn't have to be some profound thing or even anything cool. if you can hold that one thing in your mind and know that you're exactly who you are supposed to be in that moment, then that could be all you need to get from point A to point B. maybe i want to finish THAT by saying, let's all listen to "One Thing" by One Direction and sing it to each other. you've got that one thing and guess what? it doesn't even need to be named. cause you just know and so does One Direction.

ok, i don't know how you made it to the end of this.... love you, mean it.
hayley"

Comments and Hayley's responses to them:

Comment from kidfromurmemory:

Awww, i love this, and that's awesome that you're genuinely happy! I'm so stoked for this new album and knowing that you guys are all enjoying putting effort into it and it makes you happy gives me little to no doubt that this album is going to kick ass and take names.

If you're answering questions tonight, how did you feel about the iPhone 5 announcement, and since I know you liked (idk if you still do like) Nicki Minaj, if you have listened, how do you feel about Azealia Banks?  

Reply from Hayley: haven't listened to enough Azealia Banks to have an opinion! but i'm probably going to give in to the iPhone 5 :(

Comment from bethanylately:

I love this!!! It's so great to see you guys still committed to update here, so appreciated. This might be totally random and off topic but better now than never... Apart from THANK YOU for updating us even if it's not every single day, thank you, it's just another thing for me to read from you guys or you Hayley and distract me from everything pulling me down in life. Thank you so much for the lyrics, the music, the passion you guys put into performing. I remember you saying that what keeps you motivated is knowing that when we're in the crowd you guys are our escape for that period of time, it's totally true. I was at your show in Pomona and once again going through such a rough time, somehow every show I go to i'm lucky enough to get front and center at least at the barricade or a few steps back. One of these days I'll be able to tell you all this in person but for now here it is in text! I waited in line for hours and hours and while I was so excited to see the one and only show that year I couldn't get my mind off of everything that was going on at home, for a few minutes the tweets would distract me and i'd get excited then i'd go back to worrying about whatever. The other two bands that came out that night were awesome and so fun to watch, but I was still dwelling on everything and nothing at the same time. The second you guys came out on stage with all that energy it's like everything disappeared but the music. You could see that the three of you were just ecstatic, happy and totally complete. I felt like every song I could relate to. It took away EVERY negative feeling I had been having for the past two months, your music is the best distraction and the best escape that has ever happened to me. There are times when I want to just throw my hands in the air and give up, and somehow I find an interview on youtube where you guys are talking about just not giving up, everything falling right into place, and your excitement for the future ... and that again is something that just inspires me and puts me right back on my feet. The faith you guys have in God to get you through every trial is the same faith I have too, your band is such a great witness whether on purpose or not you inspire people in so many different ways. I hope that if you three individually or as a group ever get to a time when you don't know what to do you are able to look at things like this, all the comments before me or to follow me and just know how many of us have so much faith in you, support you and are inspired by all that you do for us. You three are amazing, you're in my prayers every day. I read We are Broken lyrics the other day right after I read 1 Peter 5, it just seemed so relatable! I can't thank you enough! <3 Bethany

Reply from Hayley: all i can say to this is thank you. completely humbling and we're totally grateful.

Comment from jagben:

it's good to see how you feel about the upcoming album and life in general, i know if at least some of what you feel right now it's gonna be reflected in the record it'll be pretty damn good album, so i can't wait to listen to it.

how would you describe the general feeling of the upcoming record? cheerful? fulfilling? kinda dark?

and one thing more, im kinda obsessed about song titles, any name yet? i love not obvious titles, (like in "for a pess..."), it would be a nice touch for this one ;) just letting you know. 

Reply from Hayley:  fortunately, this record is the most "upbeat" (emotionally) that we've ever written. i am looking at myself and life around my loved ones and i with a new all new senses. it's like i had to relearn how to feel things, touch, smell, taste things. the coolest part was having enough time between BNE and this album to actually live somewhat of a "normal" lifestyle and have normal, real-life problems to think about and to write about.
it's a feel good album with a very deep core. obviously, not everyone will feel the same things listening that i felt writing the lyrics... but hopefully everyone can take home their own meaning from these songs and get something out of them. that's the entire point of our band in the first place.

no more song titles for a bit longer ;)

Comment from musicwhore73:

thanks for still sticking around on here. we miss you. i was looking at my poster from paramore's first headlining tour back in sept 2006 when i saw you guys at slim's and couldn't believe that poster was 6 years old. you did a lot for my teenage years and i couldn't have asked for a better favorite band during those times in my life.

what fulfills me? that's a hard question. i feel like i'm just getting by right now. i feel like i'm in a rut and i just wish things would pick up. my college life sucks in the sense that i'm 2 years in and still have a difficult time making friends that'll stick around and not just be temporary people to party with and then disappear. i'm just looking for something constant and i can't find that so for now i'm trying to seek out the beauty of solitude. i guess right now working out is what fulfills my days, it's the only thing that gets me on a high and i feel really happy about myself afterwards. everything else just sucks.  

Reply from Hayley: been going through that for a bit. i'm just sort of crawling out of that hole. there are more friends around you than you think... at least in my experience. keep your chin up and eyes open!

Comment from boxcar06:

What fulfills my soul? To be completely honest, I can't even answer that fully. I feel like I have been looking for what fulfills me my entire life, and even more so as a 24 year old who has a college degree and is out in the "real world". I have a great job, but it's not fulfilling to me, like your job is ;) But to give that question to what fulfills me now, I would say being with my friends fulfills me, being able to give to them. Whether it be a gift, support, advice, a ride, some change, a shoulder to cry on, or whatever it is. I feel fulfilled when I can help my friends, and I feel fulfilled when we are all happy and together.

I am about to go on a road trip from New Jersey to Florida with one of my best friends, with stops on the way there and on the way back, such as the Foo Fighters and Pearl Jam, but the main purpose of the trip is to see one of our best friends in the world. We've all known each other since we were about 12, so a good 12 years now, and our friend who is in Florida moved there almost a year ago to the day right now. I feel like when I get there, and it's the three of us, I will be in a fully happy, and fulfilled state of mind. So yeah, to me it's about my friends, what I can do for them, and having them be there with me and have the time of our lives. Am I saying I'm not happy when I'm alone? Hell no! I love alone time, kind of like right now at 1:00 am typing this post and listening to Into It. Over It. and browsing tumblr. So don't get me wrong, alone time is great, but I feel like I am truly fulfilled when I am with my best friends in the world. I think it's only human to want to have companionship. Ours is the type of companionship that has no real words to explain how strong it is, so when we are together I feel happy. I feel understood, supported, happy to be alive...I feel fulfilled, for sure.

And yes, despite not seeing our one friend for a year, we had the hopes of making this trip, it was just a when and how, so I held on to that plan. That plan, and the way I feel when I am with my best buds, is what gets me though the bad days sometimes. Because I know I will be forgetting the pain when they're around, and nothing else will matter.

I apologize for this being so long, kind of lost myself there for a minute. thanks for reading if you did! you're an inspiration and I can't waitttt for this album. I hope to meet you one day and just hang out. these posts you make just make me want to be your friend! I hope that's not a weird thing to say! haha. anyways, thanks for posting this :)

- kyle

p.s almost forgot! What do you think of the new Swellers song Making Waves?! You guys and them are my favorite bands, hands down, so of course I am in love with it and have it on repeat. I really just love every second of it haha. 

Reply from Hayley: funny you mention being out in "the real world"... cause i talk about that in one of our new songs. the whole idea of being on my own in a big world that actually can feel pretty small at times but still be lonely. it's been on my mind a bit. or it was a few months ago, for sure.

anyway, your trip sounds like a blast. and definitely sounds like an adventure. i really believe as humans we need adventure and something to take on. that's something that's soul fulfilling!

haven't actually sat down to listen to the new swellers stuff. but i love those guys and i'm sure it rules.

Comment from planecrashdream:

there are moments that fulfill me, or that i feel fulfilled. a tender, honest, emotional moment with a loved one. a moment where, whether through nature or something else, i feel close to God. a moment where i feel fully self-expressed (similar to what i'd imagine you feel on stage) or that i'm fully being true to myself. but there isn't one thing that fulfills me. at least, not yet. it's an endless process. until death.

good to see you here on lj, btw. :) a nice surprise. 

Reply from Hayley: loved reading this answer.

Comment from siobhanyy18:

traveling fulfills me! it's basically all i want to do with my life. it just sucks that it costs so much :( going back to America next year though and knowing that absolutely keeps me going.

also is there any chance of you coming to new zealand after soundwave?? or not this time? 

Reply from Hayley: trust me we want to be back in NZ soon as we can!!

Things that the post taught us:

• Paramore are now a little over the half-way mark when it comes to the recording process. I think they started recording on the 27th of June, which was seventy eight days ago today. Discount roughly fourteen days or so because of the tour dates they played. That means they have recorded half of an album in just about sixty four days. If they continued at the same pace, that means that the recording process should be complete by the 16th November.
• Album number four is the most emotionally upbeat (Hayley seems to be suggesting that the music may not be as upbeat as the lyrical meaning by adding emotionally in parenthesis) album the band have ever written, describing it as "a feel good album with a very deep core".
• She also revealed that, much to our frustration, song titles won't be released until later.
• Hayley's in a happier place than she's been in what seems to be quite a while, which is always great to hear!
• And she loves us all. Awwww.